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Having trouble managing your mood?
You want to control but it naturally explodes.
You’ll regret it later but it seems overwhelming when it comes up.
If you experience any or all of the above, you are not alone. I have struggled with anger management for a long time. Anger gets to me in milliseconds and accelerates in virtually no time. And I get cold very quickly. I have improved significantly from the way I was in my teens and twenties. My closest friends who are in constant contact tell my wife how soft I’ve become. But I still have miles to go to manage my temper at home.
After many years I gathered how far my destiny had progressed by meeting a dear friend, Gunjan Mehrish. When we talked about dealing with anger, she said she never raised her voice in front of her children. Her children who are now teenagers have never seen her lose her temper.
I was surprised. I still am.
I processed what he said on my way back to my home in Delhi from Gurgaon (where he lives). I thought about it in the morning. I still reflect on it, years later.
I’ve lost count of the number of times I flare up in my child’s presence.
Anger to me is a reflex action. It does not announce its arrival. It presents itself at the slightest opportunity.
How does one beat its reflection? But first we need to know where anger comes from.
How does anger originate?
Anger often runs in the family. It ran into me too. My father was known for his fiery temper. Everyone who knew him saw or heard. He would fly off the handle at the flick of a switch. I have witnessed this so many times that it has become second nature to me.
Maybe I inherited it from him genetically. Maybe it’s a combination of both.
I can’t say for sure.
The jury is out on whether anger is a genetic condition, a learned behavior, or both. But what is irrefutable is that while genes may not be in your control, your behavior certainly is. You can, if you prescribedControl your anger so that your family does not witness and imbibe it.
If a family is unable to handle anger, it can be passed from generation to generation.
While there are many downsides to losing my cool, none is greater than the impact it will have on the next generation – my daughter. My daughter has seen me lose my temper on many occasions. He puts on the same facial expression when I lose it. I hate it when it happens. I blame myself entirely.
I want to rewind and reset my internal settings. Or delete the Rag app forever.
Or be like my friend Gunjan.
I wish I could ask him to transmit his self-restraint process to me via bluetooth. Or borrow the chip inside it, copy it to my internal drive and return it.
But I can’t.
When I fail, I tell my daughter how sorry I am.
When I fail, I let him know that my behavior is unacceptable.
When I fail, I promise him that I am trying and I sincerely hope to improve this trait.
I know it’s not impossible.
I have met with success in dealing with anger in most workplaces. Nine times out of 10, I get angry while at the office. Being unhindered at home has made it difficult to practice. I want to control it. for my daughter For my own sake. For the people around me.
I found success sporadically. I’m much better at handling it now than I was a few years ago. But I have miles to go.
I set a goal to be more consistently successful this year. And I’m optimistic.
Do you struggle with your mood?
Do you want to overcome these obstacles?
What can you do if you are angry with your children?
Whether your behavior is helping or hurting the family is up to you, rather than carrying on the same behavior pattern because it comes naturally.
You must remember that as a parent you are the role model. If you are able to control your anger, you will break the chains of anger that have been passed down from generation to generation.
Think how amazing it would be to help the next generation of your family live a calm and peaceful life.
You and I can be like Gunjan. It’s not that he doesn’t have anger. He just doesn’t allow it to get the better of him.
Let’s defeat our demons before they further harm our future generations.
Yes we can.
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