[ad_1]
Instagram, by Meta, in recent years has shifted towards video. It has introduced Videos, a short video to compete with the video-sharing app TikTok, and has launched features to encourage people to create videos together. Its algorithms seem to favor videos over images. Last year, Adam Mosseri, the head of Instagram, said that the site was “not a photo sharing app.” —The New York Times
We at Instagram wanted to let everyone (especially Kylie Jenner) know that we heard your complaints.
Every morning, our founder wakes up to about 17,423 tweets, DMs, e-mails, comments, tags, and mentions, all of which are the same—people missing out on the days when Instagram was a app to see photos of their friends, their family, and Beyoncé performing in a dress that no one else could pull off.
Listen—we get it. You want your photos in chronological order, you want followers to see what you post, you want to filter your previous 3 A.M make sure they are still sad. But that’s how it works. It won’t happen, OK?
Do you know what will happen? You will use the Videos. Why? Because fuck you. This app is not for you. And cute you thought it was. This app is for money. And we are trying to increase it, thank you. Should I write for you? MONEY.
“But Instagram is a photo app!” you say. Now it’s just a Crazy app. That’s what change does. One day there was no movie called “Morbius.” Two days later, there it was. And you can’t go back and stop Jared Leto’s career, no matter how much we all want to.
Oh, are you mad now? Just wait until the next app update, if you don’t send Updates every fifteen minutes, your phone will break. You want to give it a spin, huh? If you don’t want us to hurt your family, that is.
“But I don’t know how to edit videos!” you say. That’s not our problem. Our only problem is deciding how we will treat you in the future. I’m thinking the UI will turn neon yellow like a trailer for “The Handmaid’s Tale” every three posts. Yes, that show is still going on. I know you won’t watch it, so it will be a thought provoking read for the rest of your life.
Why are you surprised? Facebook was created because our CEO in his heart didn’t like a girl. If Mark knew how to write awesome songs, he’d be Drake 2.0. Fortunately, he is the only one who knows how to code. Now here we are.
Petiness is the lifeblood of this company. Now of course we are small—you put us first. You read on our app regularly to finance your non-influenced lifestyle. We used to have something special. Remember those days? We will do it.
We changed for you. You wanted to post a daily message on Snapchat about your crush. You wanted to post videos of your cat purring on Vine. You wanted to post ten different photos of your brother’s stupid wedding with the caption “sip sip hooray”. I mean, Jesus Christ, can you suddenly donate something interesting? That’s why. We updated the app to include all those features. We never complained.
Then, all of a sudden, in 2020, we’ll catch you doing all these new dances, making funny sketches, and baking to eclectic Swedish music on different app. After all these years, after everything we’ve done for you, after we’ve thought about the silent treatment so that you don’t get rid of your partner who offers twenty-three times each day, you just get up and leave us.
If it’s not Instagram, you should still be go on Twitter, instead of seeing images of tweets made by people with no skills of their own. If it wasn’t for us, there wouldn’t be a Fyre Forum and two documentaries about it. We is culture.
We need to know that when you said “Facebook is lame” you’ll also talk about Instagram one day.
So, like a Hollywood actor trying to stay relevant with Botox and a sixteen-year-old social media manager, we’ve decided to fire Reels. You will not sink this Meta ship. The Winklevoss twins couldn’t do it, and neither can you.
You can complain about missing out on seeing pictures of your friend’s new baby, but the reality is, you’ll never see Sarah and her son again. It is very safe (for now); It will not appear on your feed again. Instead, you’ll find 6 Facts about why using your car’s turn signal is a bad idea, and 4 more about an Airbnb in Bali that costs $400,000 a night.
Sorry, but that’s how it is!
Our biggest revenue driver is advertising. And since we can no longer publish ads for you, you have decided that you need to become a publisher altogether. So go ahead and use empty rotation. Tell your life story. You are the star of your free Tuesday. Make every vacation a journey of perfect self-discovery. Feed our engine with content until the only thing on TikTok is that song by Kesha. Only then can we control your mind, body, and spirit.
As you continue to work hard, get paid less, and get to know the people around you less, we know the hit of dopamine you’ll get is the only thing that keeps you warm at night. And we won’t be satisfied until everyone and everything is in place.
Bullshit—there’s no choice. ♦
[ad_2]
Source link